When last did you or someone you care about get really emotional? It’s not a secret that we are emotional creatures. Unfortunately, many people become emotionally bankrupt due to a loss, disappointment or betrayal. How can you boost the emotional bank account of a loved one who is deficit on positive emotions? Positive emotions like love, joy and admiration are crucial to cherishing every moment we live. Life is too short to dwell in negative emotional states like depression, anger, frustration, jealousy etc.
“Emotions can get in the way or get you on the way.” -Mavis Mazhura
Implementing the 4 methods listed below will boost the emotional bank account of your love ones.
How to Boost the Emotional Bank Account of Your Loved Ones
1. Pay attention:
Have you ever wondered why we have two ears, two eyes and one mouth? These features were given to us in pairs for increased sensitivity to our environment and its constituents. Noticing and observing the feeling of people around you takes deliberate practice. Many people are so caught up in themselves that they fail to be available emotionally to their loved ones.
Paying attention to how your loved ones are feeling is a key step in depositing positively into their emotional bank accounts. It is hard to help people when you don’t know the need.
When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen. -Ernest Hemingway
A few helpful tips include: observation of facial expression, tone of voice and body language. Some people struggling with words to describe their emotions while others have difficulty showing their emotions. However, when you listen and observe carefully you will aid them to address their emotional states. If all else fails, ask genuine questions to ascertain their emotional state. Attention is congruent to value. People tend to pay attention to whatever matters to them. Moreover, paying attention to your loved ones is a great way to make them feel valued and desired. Hence, increasing their emotional bank account.
2. Validate their feelings:
Sometimes all your loved one wants to hear is “no, you’re not being dramatic. It’s fine to be sad about that.” Emotional validation is a simple act that makes huge deposits to the emotional bank of your loved ones. It makes them feel understood even when you disagree with reason behind the emotion.
By all means, avoid judging along with trying to change their feelings very quickly. People are more willing to accept advice and work with you whenever they feel validated. Don’t say things like “please get over it” or ” you need to stop.”
On the other hand, celebrate the positive emotions. For example, when your son is happy about a new award he received, remind him of how much he deserves it after all the hard work he put in.
“To need to be seen, to be heard, to be understood, is simply to be human.” – L.R. Knost
3. Attach their feelings with your thoughts:
Additionally, to boost the emotional bank account of your loved ones, you will need to use their emotions to facilitate your thinking. What does this mean? This is putting in the effort to understand why the people you care about feel a certain way. More importantly, you should determine if they need help expressing their feelings or suppressing the feelings they experience.
Indeed, being thoughtful about the feelings of the people you love helps boost their emotional bank account. Your thoughtfulness makes them feel appreciated.
4. Instead of reacting, choose to act on their feelings:
As humans it’s natural to have a reactive response to stimuli. Remember to always apply newton’s third law: for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. There are three vital lessons from this law.
First lesson is to always expect display of various emotions from your loved ones. Understand that they are humans and expect them to exhibit certain emotion at different times. Lack of expectation is the reason most people overreact or get disappointed.
Secondly, respond accordingly. This means that you have to recognize what is appropriate at the time. For instance, your wife might be afraid of an upcoming professional licensing exam and you respond by taking her out on a nice ice cream date. The ice cream might have tasted good but the fear of the exam was not addressed.
Alternatively, take the time to help her get organized and reassure her of your belief in her strengths as well as recount her past successes. Certainly, this will be a more effective approach. Most people put in so much effort and wear themselves out only to discover in the end that they were using the wrong tool.
The third lesson is to apply a positive emotion towards a negative emotion. This is not as easy as it sounds. If you return home to a sister who is going through a break-up, what would you do? Naturally, you may get upset at your sister’s partner for causing her a heart ache. And your sister seeing you upset, will likely add wood to her burning emotional fire. Instead, empathize with your sister and quickly cheer her up by suggesting to go some fun place you both usually enjoy. By so doing, you have ignited a positive emotion that will quench the negative emotion.
Ultimately, boosting the emotional bank account of the people you love has tremendous effects in their overall well-being. The sooner you start practicing any of the aforementioned methods, the more your loved ones feels appreciated. Positive emotion is truly energizing. Strive to help your loved ones build and maintain positive relationships today by enriching their emotional bank account.
Now, go boost one emotional account. You can do it!
Share your thoughts by commenting below. Do not hesitate to spread the word to your friends and loved ones. Reach out to us at connect@livebywhy.com , if you need help developing your strengths to lead a fulfilling life.
Live by Why exists to help you thrive through purpose. We are always happy to work with you.
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