For the most part, you lack certain things in your life because you do not have the courage to ask for them. At the same time, asking for things the wrong way will prohibit you from getting what you ask for. Are you afraid of asking because you don’t want to get a rejection? Just keep reading. When last did you get what you asked for? Whether you are asking in person or virtually, to get what you want, you need to follow the 5 rules for asking for what you want.
Interestingly, a vast majority of people ask for things the wrong way. On the other hand, a good number of people create awkward moments and never get the answers desired. Assuming you put in a tremendous amount of work at your job yet you feel like you are not getting compensated enough. How do you ask your boss for more compensation? Perhaps you are asking for permission to join an exclusive group but you keep getting rejected. The 5 rules of asking for what you want will uncover the powerful formula you need to get positive answers.
The 5 Rules for Asking for What You Want
Rule #1: Check the Temperature
Check the Temperature
First and foremost, you need to check the temperature of the person you are asking for what you want. Simply put, take the time to find out if they are in the hot, warm or cold mood at the time of making your request. This means that your goal is to find out if the other party is happy or sad. Basically, you are devising a means to avoid being burnt or frozen. Obviously, timing is everything. For instance, the best time to ask your boss for a salary raise is not when your team just lost a huge amount of money and your boss is upset. Checking the temperature of your boss will avoid the transfer of passive aggression to you.
A simple but effective way to check the temperature is to ask the question: ‘how are you doing?’ Then, listen carefully for an answer. Don’t just listen to the vocal response, also pay attention to the tone, body language and emotions attached to the response. At any rate, if the response you get is not welcoming, save your request for a later time when the temperature is conducive.
In addition, the question: ‘ how are you doing?’ sends a message. Regardless of what you think, the message is that you care.
“People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care”
―
Rule #2: Get Consent
Get Consent
Who doesn’t love to be in control? Especially when the outcome is rewarding. Paradoxically, asking for consent from the other party puts them in the driver’s seat but gives the keys back to you. Prior to making your request for a salary raise it is very important to ensure your boss wants to entertain your question. In essence, getting consent is one of the vital rules for asking for what you want because it clears the path for you to thrive.
Rule #3: Sell Yourself and Make Your Request
Sell Yourself and Make Your Request
Next, sell yourself after you have applied the first two rules for asking for what you want. Specifically, promote yourself in a respectful and humble way. Before you sell yourself, you need the right mindset. Undoubtedly, you need to possess a strong self-worth. Take a quick appraisal of what you have done or accomplished and what you intend to do. By doing this, you are highlighting your efficiency at ability to perform, your value and why you deserve what you are asking for. For example, studies of women who are reluctant to ask for pay raises show that they feel that, deep down, they aren’t deserving of a higher salary. Also, you can sell yourself by giving examples that show your track record and how your team will benefit from you.
By all means, if there’s nothing to lose and something to gain from asking, then ask by highlighting your past accomplishments. In short, selling yourself is a proven way to position yourself to receive a positive answer to what you’re asking for.
Rule #4: Show Appreciation in Advance
Show Appreciation in Advance
Subsequently, express your appreciation if granted your request. For example, if your boss has shown willingness to consider your request, express your gratitude before your demand is met. Most importantly, do not fail to thank him or her for the time taken to listen to you. Showing your appreciation will make others more vested in helping you meet your demands.
Rule #5: Find Out Next Line of Action
Find Out Next Line of Action
At this point, you should know if the person you are talking to is interested in meeting your request. Without delay, find out the next line of action if there is a high chance that your request will be met. For instance, if you are in sales you can find out the next line of action by asking questions like: ‘what is a good email address to send the wire transfer details?’ Or if you are networking, you could ask: ‘what time works best for you to introduce me to your client?’
Always keep your next line of action simple and direct. The next line of action should move you to a follow up process, a deal closing or contract. Alternatively, you can also ask the other party for advice or recommendations if your request was granted.
Lastly, if you ask and don’t get what you want. Don’t be afraid to hear a ‘no’. Yes, you may be discouraged but don’t give up. Try again next time, and follow the 5 rules to ask for what you want. Important to realize that sometimes you have to ask a few more times to get the answer you want. There are many right ways to ask your boss for what you want and there also many wrong ways to ask for what you want. Sticking to the rules will always get request met most of the time.
Do not hesitate to share this within your circle. To empower others to get what they want, spread these words and help them to understand the ‘rules for asking for what you want.’
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