Today we are living in a world where selfish interest and agenda drives most relationships. A scary world where people are more focused on what they stand to gain regardless of what it may cost others. A world where the art of conversation has been destroyed and lack of listening has created more disconnect than ever. In this age of social media communication there’s so much distraction and talking going on. But, when you speak and no one listens, are you still communicating?  If you would like to know why you should listen more, keep reading!

Amazingly, a great number of people are consumed by their own endless chatter. How many times has someone asked how you are doing, only for them to talk about themselves the whole time before you even open your mouth to respond?

As self-interest becomes the order of the day, more and more people are struggling to develop thriving relationships and have meaningful conservations. Unfortunately, dialogue is becoming all about who sounds the smartest, who wins the debate or who gets the most attention. If you desire to be an outstanding influencer and attract more people to you, you need to be a great listener. And even more important than being a great listener, you have to know why you should listen to others attentively.

First, what is listening?

Picture yourself watching your favorite television show or sports team and your loved one walks in to tell  you a story at the peak of the game or show. As your loved one begins telling the story and your eyes is fixed on the screen, you say out loud: “keep talking I’m listening.” What do you think is truly going on at this moment? Yes, you’ve admitted that you’re listening, but are you really listening? A lot of people often misconstrue the word listening with hearing vibrations of sound.

Listening is a process that involves the extraction of meaning from the sound you hear. It involves recognition of patterns, distinguishing meanings, paying attention to intentions, as well as identifying emotions and tones.

Why You Should Listen More

1. To Create Intimacy

Through listening, you create a bond of intimacy by paying attention to the other person’s sensations and emotions. Since listening to other people makes them feel valued, it strengthens the feeling of togetherness.

According to one of the most influential theologians and philosophers, Paul Tillich, “the first duty of love is to listen.“

Especially in relationships, listening tells your partner that he/she matters to you. Think about any lost relationships in your life? What difference would it have made if you listened more? Your ability to listen to your partner strengthens your understanding of your partner. In return, understanding your partner lets you know what works and what doesn’t work in your relationship.

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“The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen… A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most-well-intentioned words.” – Rachel Naomi Remen

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In essence, one of the best gifts you can give to your friend, spouse or child is listening. Through listening, you can transform a dysfunctional relationship to a nourishing relationship.

2. To Give You Discernment for Your Decisions

You are a sum of all the decisions you have made so far. It is important to realize that your decisions possess the power to change the direction of your life. With this in mind, listening is very useful for distinguishing necessary information needed to take action. Indeed, listening more is critical in preventing damages that could be caused by emotional decisions.

Also through attentive listening you avoid missing important points needed to make major decisions in your life.

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“The best listeners, listen between  the lines.” – Nina Malkin

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More so, listening more aids your comprehension of the context of a conversation and you pick up on the little crucial details that could easily be missed when you are distracted. By listening more, you are able to retain more valuable information that will guide your decision-making.

3. To Enable You Recognize Opportunities

Specifically, recognizing an opportunity for growth is why you should listen attentively. Unknowingly, you could shut down a potential opportunity for growth in business, work or life in general by not paying attention to what others are saying to you.

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“Of all the skills of leadership, listening is the most valuable and one of the least understood. Most captains of industry listen only sometimes, and they remain ordinary leaders. But a few, the great ones, never stop listening. That’s how they get word before anyone else of unseen problems and opportunities.” – Peter Nulty (National Business Hall of Fame Fortune Magazine)

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4. To Develop Your Knowledge

All the greatest individuals that ever walked have one thing in common. And that one thing is their exceptional ability to listen attentively as well as patiently.

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“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.” –Dalai Lama

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You can learn many new subjects by just listening to others speak. Most times, immersing yourself into listening to others during conversations helps you uncover mysteries and truths you never knew existed. More so, it is during times of focused listening that ideas are conceived in the mind and complex information is unravelled.

Richard Branson, British billionaire founder of Virgin Group stated that “the most successful entrepreneurs have excellent listening skills.“

Through listening, successful people develop in-depth knowledge that gives them a competitive advantage in business and life. Richard Branson also recounted in his LinkedIn article ‘Listen More Than You Talk‘ that:

“Nobody learned anything by hearing themselves speak. Wherever I go, I try to spend as much time as possible listening to the people I meet. […] While I am always happy to share my own experiences with them, it would be foolish if I didn’t listen back.”

Listening has enabled highly successful people ascend to great heights and maintain dominance any chosen field. You too can cultivate the same great listening skills to catapult your career and life to the next level.

5. To Negotiate Better

Do you think negotiation has more to do with talking than listening or vice versa? During negotiation the power of listening cannot be overemphasized. Negotiation is all about influencing the other party and make them more likely to connect with you. William Ury, author of Getting to Yes recounted that during negotiation genuine listening helps you understand other people’s frame of reference. He also stated that listening genuinely during negotiation helps you understand not just what is being said but the things that are not being said.

Listening is a powerful key to becoming a better negotiator because it helps you unlock the mystery behind other people’s needs and  motivations. Particularly during high stake negotiations, being able ask the right questions is why you need to listen more.

Imagine for one second that your best friend has been kidnapped…

You just received a call from the kidnapper. To your surprise, the kidnapper is not asking for money or anything in exchange. And your plea is becoming futile even after you have offered a lot of money and willing to provide anything in return for your friend. Now two weeks is gone and your friend hasn’t returned. You decided to reach out to an experienced hostage negotiator, and your friend gets released within an hour. You begin to wonder what kind of charm the negotiator used. Curiously, you decided to ask the negotiator and get the response: “it was a mistaken identity.”

Still unsatisfied,  you want to know how the negotiator knew the identity of your friend was mistaken by the kidnapper.  You asked again, and the negotiator says: “I asked how he was doing and let him respond, then I asked again why he thought your friend could be of help. He told me a long story only to discover that your friend’s name is Max instead of Matt.”

It’s that simple yet difficult. What if you just listened more and asked the right questions? Certainly, your best friend wouldn’t have spent two weeks in hostage.

6. To Build Trust

Certainly, trust is something you cannot buy. You have to earn it. One way to earn other people’s trust is by being honest. Interestingly, honest communication is a sure way to earn trust. And without a doubt, honest communication relies heavily on listening. Truly, people will trust you more when you treat them honestly and fairly. Hence, you need to be both honest and fair in your communication with others by lending them listening ears. Avoid counting down to when it is your turn to give your two cents, instead strive to make others feel heard. The more you make others feel heard, the more others think or sense that you care. As a result, people become more willing to work with you, confide in you and even share their secrets with you.

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“One who cares is one who listens.” – J. Richard Clarke

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Never ever forget that the simplest magic to building trust is listening attentively.

How to Listen Attentively :

1. Establish a time and place

Perhaps the time or environment is not right for you to listen attentively? You need to ensure that you are ready to listen and that you are in a place where your attention is undivided. Choosing to listen to others at a time when you are in a rush to an event or at a loud venue will always be counterproductive. With this in mind, do not hesitate to reschedule your discussion for a better time and place.

2. Consider what others are saying

Right or wrong, you need to consider what others are saying to see if there are any hidden messages behind what is being said.

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“Don’t ever get so big or important that you cannot hear and listen to every other person.” – John Coltrane

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Sometimes people mean the exact opposite of what they say. However, through listening attentively you will be able to filter out the intent of every word that was said.

3. Open yourself up to other perspectives

While this is often hard to do, you should put yourself in other people’s situation. Putting yourself in other people’s situation opens you up to other perspectives.

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“If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from his angle as well as your own.” – Henry Ford

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Always be determined to go into any conversation with the intent of listening to others and exploring their angles. At all cost, avoid being oblivious to various perspectives during a conversation.

4. Rehearse what others are saying

For as long as you can, with hold your response to what you are hearing and focus on rehearsing what you have heard. You can do rehearse what others are saying to you by re-stating to them what you heard. This gives them a chance to correct you if you misunderstood them. Steven R. Covey stated that “most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”

Conversely, you can rehearse what you others are saying in your mind without interrupting them. This method helps to avoid interruption as well as keeps you engaged in the conversation. A Harvard Business Review article stated that: “If we hear something that opposes our most deeply rooted prejudices, notions, convictions, mores, or complexes, our brains may become over-stimulated, and not in a direction that leads to good listening. We mentally plan a rebuttal to what we hear, formulate a question designed to embarrass the talker, or perhaps simply turn to thoughts that support our own feelings on the subject at hand.”

Rather than plan for a rebuttal or response, continue to rehearse what others are saying  and make sure you are drawing meaning from what you are hearing.

5. Continue to listen throughout your conversation

Unlike talking, listening requires patience. No matter how pressing the urge maybe for you to say something, persist to continue listening until you have heard the entire word from the other party.

Ultimately, if we all listened more it would make a big difference in the world. More conflicts, chaos and problems will be avoided. And above all, listening is a great way to empower yourself and others. To change your life immensely for the better, decide today to speak less and listen more on a daily basis.